You can’t.  That’s it.  End of article post.  Move along.  Nothing to see here.

Ohhh… okay. You came all this way to click through to this post and apparently, you have nothing better to do with your life.  So, now it’s MY responsibility to amuse, entertain, or somehow educate you on how to idiot-proof your life, and burn a few minutes of your life because you’re lazy and it might hurt your finger to click over to Merriam Webster and learn a new word to add to your limited vocabulary or something, anything, useful… Okay. Your call.

Again, if you’re looking to this post for the great secret on how to idiot-proof your life, you really could have stopped at the first two words of the post.  But, because you want me to elaborate, I will. You’re here because you’re clearly frustrated because you’re surrounded by twatwaffles.  They’re at work. They’re the ones micromanaging your work.  They’re your colleagues who are constantly fucking up your projects, taking credit for your ideas, or not doing jack shit. 

You might even have twatwaffles at home.  An aunt, uncle, cousin, brother, sister… who just can’t seem to get their life together because they’re constantly making ridiculously stupid choices on the very best ways to royally F up their lives, and probably yours.

By the way, if you stumbled across this article and you look around your world, your job, your home, your circle of friends and can’t possibly imagine ANYONE you associate with is a twatwaffle.  Then, guess what, Sparky.  Tag, you’re IT.  Bet you’re glad you read this far now, huh?

As for the rest of you “normies,” the best you can hope for is a means of tolerance.  Not for THEIR sake, because you’re a decent and empathetic person.  Fuck that. They’re twatwaffles.  They don’t deserve your empathy. YOU need to preserve your sanity though.  So, what do you do?

Well, there’s only one way to deal with these vermin. Cope.  I know you want to lash out and scream all the ways these nitwits are standing… no, not standing, erratically dancing and stomping like a lunatic, on any chance you have of the smallest amount of contentment while in their presence.  Of course, in the interest of retaining your employment or not asked to leave your home, etc., you can’t do that.  “So, tell me, Twerpo!  I’m at my wit’s end. I can’t take it anymore! Tell me what to do!!!”

Alright, here’s the secret to inner peace amongst the world’s twatwaffles…. internalize and suppress.  Yep. That’s it. That’s all you have to do to maintain harmony at home, work, and your social life. Know, understand, and cope with the fact that twatwaffles live among you, and there’s nothing you can do to change them.  Sure, you can TRY to avoid them. But, then THEY win.  Stand your ground, dammit! 

Of course, internalizing and suppressing your feelings and emotions will potentially lead to high blood pressure, stress eating, weight gain, diabetes, heart disease, and ultimately your demise.  Ahhhh…. but THEN, you will be idiot free!  hashtag WINNING!